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Hot Tub Time Machine Review

2010-08-15T20:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes what makes a movie enjoyable is how it revels in its throwbacks. I'm not talking about those stupid parody films that are put out to make a quick buck (Vampires Suck, Not Another Teen Movie, etc.). I'm talking about films with actual plot lines devised by writers with characters that charm one moment and send you down memory lane the next.

Hot Tub Time Machine is a modern day, 80's throwback. It's plot is so 80's and it doesn't for one second think that's a bad thing. By embracing the corny, badly acted, sex filled romps that made some of the late 80's comedies almost unbearable without hard liquor, this film replaces the horrible acting with a group of comedic actors who are above and beyond those found in typical schlock of the period. Not to mention they throw in 80's teen icon (and fantastic actor) John Cusack.

The film plays off of two types of comedy here. Whereas the 80's films that inspired this one were really about slapstick and nude women, Hot Tub Time Machine relies on modern day gross out comedy and idiotic situations (ala Will Ferrel-esque). There's a couple of romantic situations as well that are well done for a comedy like this. And of course, there's nudity and sex... because we couldn't have an official throwback to this sub-genre without it.

This one scores a solid 7 out of 10. Let's hit the stats.

Language: Rife! Like most comedies today, unfortunately aimed at teenagers, this one is filled to the brim with the most foul language you can think of and that includes descriptions of sexual acts.

Violence: There's some fist fights but most of the violence is slapstick. A few may find the running gag of a bellhop losing an arm a bit too much.

Sex: There's several sex scenes and a couple of scenes involving nudity. They last a bit longer than they should and honestly, the film could've been a bit stronger without as much of it.

Positive Themes: Despite being a slapstick, gross out comedy, there is quite a bit one can gleam if you work hard enough to see past the jokes. The characters all want to change their lives by living in the past and in the end they realize that they had the power to do that all along.

Negative Themes: Drugs and alcohol abuse are the main offenders. Suggested suicide can also be thrown in as well.

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Black Dynamite Review

2010-07-04T15:34:00.001-04:00

Fo' real, suckas! The best blaxploitation parody in years! Though the film features brilliant writing you'd really have to be a fan of I'm Gonna Get U Suckas or the underrated gem Undercover Brother or at least seen a few blaxploitation films to really get the well done jokes and nods in this film.

Blaxploitation cinema was big in the 70's. The films were often made for what we would consider pennies today and they often looked like they were made for pennies too. Black audiences didn't care much though. These films brought strong black men and women to the big screen and created ghetto heroes for young kids to look up to.

Black Dynamite takes all that was poorly executed and puts it back onscreen with a loving tribute to those characters and the way those films were made. It's a truly fun film especially for those in on the joke.

I'm giving this one a 6 out of 10.

Language: Quite a few F bombs are dropped.

Violence: It's mild and mostly for comic effect.

Sex: A blaxploitation parody wouldn't be complete without a bedroom romp and some nudity.

Positive Themes: This is really to silly to be taken for anything serious.

Negative Themes: Again, really silly but there are a few pimps and pushers.

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Megan Fox: No Transformers 3, Toe Thumbs?

2010-05-21T14:13:00.000-04:00

First it was, Michael Bay had fired her for making comments about him being "Hitler-esque" on the set. Now it's her camp saying she left the project. Either way, what's more interesting is the recent information that keeps coming up about her thumbs.

She's beautiful and is considered by many to be the sexiest actress working today. So why, of all of the usual body parts guys might focus on do her thumbs keep coming up in discussions? Miss Fox apparrently was born with a genetic issue in regards to her thumbs. It's not harmful to her health, nor will it create any issues later in life. What it does do is alter the shape of her thumbs. See below:

File this one under E's Believe It Or Not. Either way, she won't be chased by robots anytime soon. That's been confirmed.

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Kick-A** Movie Review

2010-05-16T23:18:00.001-04:00

Let's talk about marketing for a second. How do you effectively market a movie that is about kids becoming superheroes to fight real crime in New York without any super powers? The first answer is: not like Lionsgate did. The second answer is: you don't make it look like every other comic book movie out there.

In most cases those marketing tricks could be pulled off. In this case it literally puts an audience in harms way. This film is gritty and violent and all of the violence being done is by kids or by drug dealers. It's real stuff and despite the awesome and stylish way the violence is shot, it stills packs a punch.

The characters are fantastic. The actors will never see a chance to do something like this ever again and you can tell they are relishing every onscreen moment. Unfortunately I can't recommend this film for fear of feeling guilty. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and was thrilled with what new elements it brought to the screen but I can't honestly say you should go see this film.

In fact, all I can say is: I'm giving this one a 7 out of 10.

Language: Strong R, f-bombs are dropped frequently.

Sex: A simulated sex scene while fully clothed, a lot of voluptuous cleaveage close ups and a masturbation scene.

Violence: This movie excels in this department. Take a little bit of Death Wish, a dash of Kill Bill, throw in some John Woo and that's about what you've got.

Positive Themes: Our hero is a genuine guy whose intentions are really just to help others. As bizarro as the father/daughter relationship is, it's very strong and endearing.

Negative Themes: Kids with guns and knives, drug dealers, lying, betrayal and so much more!

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Up In The Air Review

2010-05-15T23:35:00.000-04:00

Up In The Air tells the story of a man in his late forties who has spent most of his time travelling, collecting miles and keeping a safe distance from anything that might weigh him down: including family, friends and love.

George Clooney plays the role and just like most films he's in he instantly embodies the character. The film is well written, well acted and deserves to be seen by two types of movie-goers: those looking for a movie that offers substance and a little something unique, and those who do a bit of traveling themselves.

The film has it's flaws but it's so darn refreshing to see a film that's not typical Hollywood that they are easily overlooked. Don't expect a wham-bam, action packed movie or a laugh out loud slapstick either. It's a thoughtful film that has a lot to say and does a great job of leaving you with something to ponder long after you hit the stop button on your DVD player.

I'm giving this one a 6 out of 10. Let's hit the stats.

Language: The f-bomb is dropped more than once but is used out of frustration or anger and not in a sexual sense.

Sex: Brief nudity and an after sex scene.

Violence: Nada.

Positive Themes: The power of human connections, love, respect, loyalty are just some of the themes here.

Negative Themes: Betrayal and suicide.

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A Nightmare on ELM Street Review (2010)

2010-05-01T09:40:00.001-04:00

Usually a horror fan like myself has a list of top three slasher movie killers. Just so you know, here's how mine stacks up: 3. Jason 2. Freddy 1. Michael Myers

Now that that's out of the way, let's dig in, shall we? I honestly believe that this is the first remake to come out of all this remake crud in Hollywood that seems to respect the material that was in the original. Most of the fanboys, including myself, will tell you that the original 1984 film is still the best version. But can you really imagine us saying anything else? Even if the remake was a 10 out of 10 we'd still hold on to the original as tops. So let's start from there then.

The new Nightmare has a new Freddy, and man is he creepy. Jackie Earle Haley knocks it out of the park on this one. Not only does he manage to make Freddy actually scary again (as he was in the original) he adds his own touch to it without demeaning all of the amazing work done by Robert Englund (the original Kreuger).

I think the key to this film was realism, believe it or not. The teens aren't overly beautified. They seem like real teens. That said, their characters could've used some beefing up a bit. They do film sort of one dimensional, but not like those in a later installment of a Friday the 13th.

There are some nice scenes derived from classic ones in the original with a spin. The director has done a nice job here, it's really the script that needed a little work. Visually the film is a blast.

I'm giving this one a 5 out of 10. Let's hit the stats.

Language: No more than the original. It's R-rated, but doesn't push it.

Violence: Plenty of it, but not as gory as you'd think.

Sex: None. The classic bath scene gets reinvisioned but no nudity is involved.

Positive Themes: The parents in this film are actually fairly decent people, protecting and loving their kids.

Negative Themes: Child molestation, murder and drug use.

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Why Scream 4 Might Be Okay

2010-04-29T12:03:00.000-04:00

Yes, I too scoffed at the idea of digging up the Scream franchise and trying to milk it for blood money. But let's look at the positives:

1. Wes Craven will direct. For better or worse, at least there's a visionary behind the lense.

2. Kevin Williamson is writing. It was his skill that brought us the game changing original.

3. The principal cast are all returning...except for Randy. (Crap!)

So, there you have it. Three reasons to look forward to this latest entry. I'll write soon with reasons to steer clear coming soon. I guarantee it'll be a longer article. :)

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Scream 4 Teaser Poster

2010-04-28T22:21:00.000-04:00

You asked for it...wait a minute. Did you ask for it? No. Then why did they make it? I don't know either. Oh well. Here's the poster.

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Netflix Steals Howard Stern's Crown: The NEW King of All Media!

2010-04-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

After years of dominating, despite recession, Blockbuster and naysayers to the throne, Netflix has come out on top... and then some. Now, they are up for sale. There are four theorized buyers and none of them are small potatoes and ALL of them could mean big, big things for my favorite little movie service. Google, Amazon, Apple and Microsoft. Who's in the lead? Microsoft has the dough and so does Apple. But, even though Amazon would seem a perfect fit one of Netflix's head honcho's is inline with Microsoft already. Only time will tell.

Oh, and in case you didn't already know, two more big studios have joined the 28 day delay on DVD rentals with Warner Bros. Now you can add Fox and Universal to that list too. As a beautiful concession to those subscribers disappointed by this Netflix has already added quite a few new movies and TV shows from Fox tot he streaming queue. And don't go thinking Redbox can save you from the delay. Warner did the same to them and you can bet Fox and Universal will demand it. Netflix was given a choice: 28 day delay in rentals... or nothing at all. Was DeNiro involved in that? Cause it sure sounds like a mafia choice to me.

Trick 'r' Treat Video Movie Review

2010-04-08T16:42:00.001-04:00

Coraline Video Movie Review

2010-04-08T16:39:00.000-04:00

Bruno Video Movie Review

2010-04-08T16:36:00.001-04:00

The Thing Remake

2010-04-07T15:42:00.000-04:00

Big ups to /Film for this first picture from the set of the prequel to The Thing.

We still have little to go on, and honestly, little to believe in. John Carpenter nailed his remake so why return...oh, yeah, forgot about the money for a second. Even trainwrecks get a lot of attention first couple days.

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Star Wars Google

2010-04-07T15:33:00.000-04:00

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The Count Doesn't Sparkle

2010-04-06T16:14:00.000-04:00

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E.T. oops!

2010-04-05T16:01:00.000-04:00

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Legion Movie Review

2010-04-03T20:49:00.000-04:00

I heard a saying once that went something like this: "You can polish a turd, but in the end, it's still a turd." That's the best way to describe this film: a turd with polish.

Why? First, there's the main character we're supposed to root for: a pregnant girl who's a chain smoker. Real sympathetic. Second, there's the fact that the Angels are the bad guys. Instead of watching over us they possess people to do their bidding, curse them, use foul language and brutal violence to serve their means. Lastly, there's Dennis Quaid. Never has an actor who used to be talented sucked so badly. In fact, if the movie was watchable, I'd say rent it just to see how low an actor can stoop. But alas, dear friend, this film is far from watchable.

I'm giving this one a 0.5 out of 10. The half point is because of the polish.

Language: Pretty standard R rated fare, except that Angels are using the F-word which is very off-putting.

Violence: It's horror-lite. Nobody's eating guts, but lots of gunfire and blood.

Sex: None.

Positive Themes: Don't go there.

Negative Themes: Murder, blasphemy, child neglect, infant endangerment...need I say more?

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Jennifer's Body Review

2010-03-30T21:54:00.001-04:00

Two words best describe this flick: beautiful trainwreck. You're probably thinking that I'm saying that because a.) the film's not as good as anticipated and b.) Megan Fox is in it. The answers to that in order are: yes and no.

Megan Fox is stunning to look at and her acting chops are a bit more on display here than in Transformers. She doesn't do too bad actually, although she's outshined a little by the actress who plays her best friend Needy.

I can fully understand the challenge of marketing a movie like this. It's a dark comedy with traces of horror, overly witty and verbose dialogue and a love story/triangle in the mix too. One two and a half minute trailer just isn't going to cut it.

I was expecting a film like none other I had seen in its genre. What I got was Heathers and Ginger Snaps with vampiric demons. Both Heathers and Ginger Snaps are far superior films but if you're fans of those flicks and are looking for something like it then give this one a rent. Other than that, for the love of Pete, keep your kids away from this one.

Language: More than enough F-words to fill a 120 page screenplay. And that's just the F-words!

Sex: One of the main themes is sex and there are a few scenes that very graphically simulate it.

Violence: Gory at times and violent but if it's any consolation Scorcese still has the drops on this one.

Positive Themes: The usual teen themes-friendship, love, discovering yourself and your strengths.

Negative Themes: Murder, lies, sexual manipulation and way more!

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Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Teaser

2010-03-30T14:08:00.001-04:00

Wal-Mart

2010-03-29T16:09:00.000-04:00

Are there Wal-Marts in hell? It's possible. Just this week I saw a grown man shopping in his pajamas, was tricked into a brief conversation with a handicapped woman in the middle of a cold snap, treated like an alien at the pharmacy and saw Anaconda 2 on DVD in the bargain bin. It's been a week.

I watch at least once a week as drones of people from ALL walks of life rent a movie from the Redbox. And you'd think with all of the people that are physically inside the building that everyone would have to be a bit more conscious of their surroundings, but alas, that's not true. Almost everyone in that place loves to get in an ailse and just suddenly stop in the middle to think about God knows what. My 18 month old is more self aware than these folks! I saw a man texting feverishly while navigating his son through a maze of ailses never once looking up.

Someone should make a movie about this place! It's got everything! Action, adventure, brief nudity! I call for James Cameron to direct it (mostly because he's too cocky!).

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The Horror of Burger King

2010-03-29T14:12:00.001-04:00

Above you see a pic from Burger King's ad campaign in Dubai. Click the image to head over to /Film view the other three featuring Jason, Chucky and Ghostface.

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Percy Jackson Movie Review

2010-03-27T23:50:00.000-04:00

Let me give you the full title here since it takes a bit of space: Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Theif. Wow! That's a mouthful!

It's about a high schooler who discovers he may be the son of Poseidon and begins a quest to save his mom from the evil Hades.

It's a great concept and is based on a bestselling young adult book series. Unfortunately, that's where this one should've stayed. The acting is so sub par it's almost Teen Nick. There's a token black kid for comic relief and wait until he takes his pants off! Nothing dirty there, just a ridiculous surprise.

There are some great scenes that have amazing promise and the locations and effects look really sharp. But silly dialogue, kitschy characters and bad acting litter the film and leave you laughing at the wrong times.

I'm giving this one a 3 out of 10. Let's hit the stats!

Language: There's a little bit here but nothing that can't easily pass the censors at ABC for primetime.

Sex: Nothing onscreen but there's a pretty horny saytr running around looking for love. I say horny because he has horns on his head.

Violence: Violent in parts with little blood. The violence can get a little more showy in the CG monster scenes. Heads do roll in this film several times.

Positive Themes: Friendship, loyalty, understanding, acceptance and family unity.

Negative Themes: Stealing and an alcoholic stepfather.

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Couple's Retreat Review

2010-03-20T13:53:00.001-04:00

Sometimes a film, usually branded as an ensemble cast, that has so many recognizeable faces in it movie studios attempt to market it as names only. Even if the movie isn't remotely watchable--and that's usually the case.

In Couple's Retreat we get a much better film than you'd expect from a cast that's basically a who's who of comedic and dramatic talent. It's written by best friends and fellow actors, Jon Favereau and Vince Vaughn and directed by another Favereau and Vaughn staple, Peter Billingsly. For those that don't know, Billingsly was the little boy famous for "shooting his eye out" in A Christmas Story.

The film is filled with little segments of everything from pure laughter to heart warming scenes. It's a comedy for married couples to be sure and one that pushes the envelope of PG13. It didn't best my expectations but it did meet them and if you're a Vince Vaughn fan he does some of his best comedic material here so don't miss it.

I'm giving this one a 6 out of 10. Let's hit the stats.

Language: Very little. A few innuendos.

Violence: Zero.

Sex: Quite a bit, mostly used for humorous purposes. Some brief nudity and plenty of sexual simulations.

Positive Themes: Friendship, honest love, hard work and good parenting.

Negative Themes: Divorce, cheating on your spouse, promiscuity and spousal neglect.

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Oh, Yes I Did!

2010-03-18T10:34:00.001-04:00

There are very few times when you can legitimately quote Apollo 13: 1. You were actually at NASA when it happened. 2. You were the actor playing the part or 3. You're me and you're leaving Houston to head home. So...without further adeiu, "Houston, we have a problem."

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Sigourney Weaver: Vampire

2010-03-17T21:12:00.001-04:00

Probably because she's looking more and more like the undead, Sigourney Weaver has been cast in the new comedy Vamps which also stars the Cute-Until-Chubby, Alicia Silverstone. I'll give you three guesses as to whether Weaver's character is evil or not and the first two don't count.

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A Rose is a Rose is a Conan?

2010-03-17T21:02:00.000-04:00

Partially because she was a bit of an inspiration for my daughter's middle name and partially because...well, she's just awesome: Rose McGowan has been cast alongside Ron Perlman in the new Conan. No word yet on her part, though it's suspected she will play an evil witch that was a character in the books. This one seems to be shaping up and I'm getting interested.

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Extract Review

2010-03-16T22:30:00.000-04:00

It's hard to watch a film written and directed by the guy who blessed all of us with the comedy gem, Office Space. If people can have right
place, right time dynamics then certainly movies can too, and Office Space is the end all be all for that. Extract, not so much.
Unfortunately it ends up reminding you how great Office Space is and you end up only mildly amused with the film.

Great performance by Jason Bateman, as always, though and certainly Mila Kunis, who voices the unattractive daughter on The Family Guy, is much more attractive in person than her animated alter ego. In the
end, unless you're a big fan of Jason Bateman or are single and can oggle Mila Kunis without feeling guilty, just watch Office Space again.

I'm giving this one a 4 out 10. Let's hit the stats.

Language: More than you'd expect but not more than your average R rated comedy. In fact, a bit tame compared to just about any Seth Rogen movie.

Violence: What little bit there Isis slapstick and never taken seriously.

Sex: While it plays a key role for some if the situational comedy there's no onscreen sex and it's really the sex talk that goes farther.

Positive Themes: There's a lack of positive themes to be sure.

Negative Themes: Drug use, alcohol, theft, adultery and greed.

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Zombie Day

2010-03-16T12:14:00.000-04:00

After my first nights sleep after 48 hours without any, and across 2 time zones and springing forward I nominate today as the day I officially feel Zombified. Watch your brains everybody, I haven't eaten yet.

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Prepare to Sink Again: Titanic 3D

2010-03-15T15:17:00.000-04:00

James Cameron is talking more 3D, and it's not an Avatar sequel. Instead, determined to keep Titanic at the top of the all time domestic box office charts, he wants to re-release Titanic in 3D. Sure, it'd be cool to see the ship in 3D but all the dreck in between in a third dimension? I'll pass. Although...there was that art scene that might be neat in 3D. :)

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It's An Alice Celebration!

2010-03-14T22:02:00.001-04:00

Live from Hollywood Blvd it's Alice 2010!

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Malibu's Most Wanted

2010-03-14T18:51:00.000-04:00

In the handicapped spot. That's one fast cripple! Just kidding. I apologize. Poor taste.

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Jack Nicholson Makes Appearance On My Blog

2010-03-14T16:08:00.001-04:00

...or, at least his footprints do. :)

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Morning, from L.A.

2010-03-14T13:03:00.001-04:00

Today's blog is brought to you by Sugar Free Red Bull. Gives Los Angeles wings!

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E's Favorites: Kill Bill

2010-03-14T01:10:00.000-05:00

The first of many segments here on The Blog, I'm digging up the content and grades on a few of my favorite flix...period.

Up first, one of my favorite directors made a set of films with enough style and pizazz to choke a horse...or a Weinstein. Tarrantino's Kill Bill Volumes 1 & 2 are at once classic, iconic, western and martial arts. QT's love of down and dirty films from the 70's is truly on display here as we watch the, never more enjoyable, Uma Thurman seriously kick butt and send The Crazy 88's packing, or bleeding--and that's just volume one. Volume 2 gives us the awesome Pai Wei sequence and Uma's fantastic return from six feet under.

I'm giving Volume One a 9 out of 10 and Volume Two an 8 out of 10. Let's hit the stats:

Language: As per usual it's rife with graphic language.

Violence: QT outdoes himself here. It's over the top and gloriously bloody.

Sex: An Anime sequence and an attempted rape with a delightfully revenge filled end.

Positive Themes: Uma is a loving mother despite being an amazing assassin. Uma's Bride character in general is pretty positive in many ways including strength, ability, common sense and a strong role model for women.

Negative Themes: Murder, back-stabbing, lying, greed and molestation.

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Go Naked!

2010-03-13T18:42:00.000-05:00

Interviews today at the Naked booth. Alas, no one was naked. Just the juice.

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Rodriguez' Predators Preview

2010-03-13T15:57:00.001-05:00

Click on the image to be transported to the world of 2010's Predators.

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James Brown's Zombie Roams Earth

2010-03-13T11:39:00.001-05:00

The Godfather of Soul or the Godfather with no soul? You be the judge! Does Zombie James Brown roam the Earth?

Click The Picture...If You Dare!

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Edgar Allen Poe with a Hairlip

2010-03-13T00:25:00.001-05:00

Hey, did Edgar Allen Poe have a hairlip? Did he have a brother named River who was a great actor? Probably not. But Joaquin Phoenix does and he may be playing the great poet and writer from my native Virginia. Here's the summary of the book the potential film would follow:

"...the death, perhaps murder, of tobacco clerk Mary Rogers, who while alive somehow became a minor celebrity in 1841 Manhattan. Her beaten body was found along the Hudson shore in Hoboken in July 1841. No one was ever convicted of her murder, and a year later an innkeeper claimed that Rogers was the victim of a botched abortion that took place at her inn."

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I Love The Smell of Anaheim in the Morning!

2010-03-12T15:54:00.001-05:00

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Twilight: Eclipse Teaser

2010-03-11T10:23:00.001-05:00

Enjoy its sparklyness!

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Observe and Report Review

2010-03-11T10:18:00.001-05:00

Seth Rogen is amazing. He's always plays some form of a loveable slob and has made great success. The odd thing is, I've only seen one movie I've ever enjoyed that has him in it (not including his awesome cameo in Fanboys as a Trekkie).

Observe and Report was a little better experience but then again, the bar is pretty low. Marketed as an adult version of Paul Blart this film is far from anything like Kevin James' fun family flick. Instead, what you get, is film about a man who struggles with multiple family, ego and mental issues who is a mall security guard.

Where James' Blart was more about a man making pratfalls while trying to better himself for the sake of his family, Rogen's security guard is hopelessly searching for something he is destined to fail at because of his issues.

There are similarities in both films but Observe and Report is a dark comedy with drama involved. It's not a fun film. But Rogen does a great job with the role he plays.

I'm giving this one a 4 out of 10. Let's hit the stats!

Language: Excessively foul in ways you can't imagine...unless you've seen Rogen's other films.

Sex: Absolutely! Extended scenes of full frontal male nudity as well.

Violence: You bet! Hard hitting and graphic at times. It ain't Saw, but it catches you off guard.

Positive Themes: The film does a pretty good job of exploring the real people who work at the mall and some of them have very positive traits.

Negative Themes: Meaningless sex, sexual assault, heartless people and cops, severe drug use and alcoholism.

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To Infinity and Beyond! ...or to Anaheim.

2010-03-11T05:36:00.001-05:00

Heading to California! I'll keep you posted from the frontlines!

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Corey Haim Dead at 38

2010-03-10T09:56:00.001-05:00

Corey Haim of Lost Boys fame and co-member of The Two Corey's with pal Corey Feldman died this morning at 2AM. The cause has not yet been determined. He was 38.

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Tarrantino A Theif or Auteur?

2010-03-09T21:47:00.001-05:00

Probably the latter although some schmuck thinks that he came up with an integral plot point in Kill Bill and submitted it to Miramax before QT made the film. He wants lots of money (who'd of guessed) and, at the time he also wanted a job there. Considering that Miramax is no more and it's been, what, a decade since that film hit? Why now?! I guess greed knows no bounds. That reminds me, I really should sue Warner Brothers for stealing my idea about a guy who is the saviour of mankind in this computer program called the matrix. Think it'll work? I need a 370Z and really think they should pay for it. :)

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Transformers 2:Revenge of the Fallen

2010-03-08T22:34:00.000-05:00

Looking for action so fast you have no idea what you're looking at? Wanting to hear your favorite childhood characters spout foul language or talk in Ebonics? How about sex? There's so much inappropriate material in this film it not only squelches the plot to near nothingness, it almost destroys the few parts that are actually enjoyable.

Sam Witwicky is back and leaving his uber hot girlfriend behind for college. For some reason he won't tell her he loves her...even though it's a miracle she's even with his dorky butt. He finds a piece of energon cube and all hell breaks loose including humping dogs, robots
and college girls with incredibly long metal tongues.

If this film were a vacuum it could pick up even the most miniscule fiber from your floor. That's my nice way of saying it sucks. Avoid this film. Never show it to your kids. Forget it even exists. Watch the much better first installment.

I'm giving this one a 2 out of 10. Let's hit the stats.

Language: from every single direction including Transformers cussing.

Violence: I'd say it's all a relatively harmless mess of explosions but the truth is that the action is so jumble I rarely had a clue who was fighting who.

Sex: None onscreen but the luscious Megan Fox wears some skimpy outfits and a Transformer Girl tries to give Sam some tongue.

Positive Themes: ...I'm thinking. Give me some more time because what little is there is nothing but a cliche.

Negative Themes: making our military look like a bunch of useless noobs. Greed and corruption.

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The Book of Eli Review

2010-03-08T20:27:00.001-05:00

The Book of Eli is a rare gem of a film. Not only does it tell a rather spiritual story without bowing to typical Hollywood no-goes but it also manages to go for broke with a more 70's fashion ending. The more I thought about the film the more I not only appreciated it but wondered how it even got made.

The film was marketed so terribly that it's a wonder anyone showed up during it's theatrical run. Here's what the story is based on the trailer: A man carries with him a highly sought after book in a post apocalyptic United States. His mission: deliver it out West.

Here's what the story truly is about: A man carries with him the only surving copy of the King James Version of the Bible. A greedy, selfish man is looking for the Book and will stop at nothing to get his hands on it.

It's a hard R with plenty of violence and foul language, but for those of Faith who can stand that part you may just walk away with a bit of inspiration.

Language: Plenty to go around.

Violence: Stylized violence.

Sex: Nothing more than attempted seduction, which fails.

Positive Themes: A man of Faith following his convictions and spreading the Gospel.

Negative Themes: Greed, murder, and generalized evil.

- E -

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland

2010-03-08T16:26:00.000-05:00

What Alice isn't: a remake of the Disney cartoon. What Alice is: an imaginitive sequel of sorts to the cartoon with more of it's literary roots.

Who will see it? Fans of Johnny Depp, kids who loved the original cartoon, literary folks who dig the books and Tim Burton followers.

Should kids see it? Nope. That is if you're talking about kids at age 6 and under. It's really less an issue of violence and language and more an issue of highbrow concepts that skew a bit too old for little ones to grasp.

Language? Nary a bad word in the whole show.

Violence? It's not bloody but there are quite a few "off with their heads" ...and eyeballs.

Sex? None. A lustful look here and there from Stain the Knave.

Positive Themes? Absolutely, one of them being predominant: be true to yourself and don't let society tell you who you should be.

Negative Themes? Lying, backstabbing and murder. Good enough?

Will You Like It? No one can deny that the film is absolutely stunning to look at. As far as content you're on your own there. It took me a day to process all of what I had seen, and I can finally say I can't wait to see it again.

- E -

The Hurt Locker Sweeps Up!

2010-03-08T13:01:00.000-05:00

Among the roster of Academy Award winning director's, which has, since it's inception, been mostly a sausage fest, you can add the name Kathryn Bigelow for the first female director to ever win an Academy Award. What for? The Hurt Locker, which also breaks new strides in being that it is the first Best Picture winner to be about war on terror. But perhaps the most intriguing thing about the whole shebang is the fact that her ex-husband was sitting behind her, nominated for the very same category. James Cameron's Avatar was up for the same award.